“How do you do it?” you ask yourself. How do you pick yourself up after you were broken and scattered into a million pieces? How do you find someone who will love you unconditionally again? Or how do you love yourself again? I get it. I’ve been through it. I think we all have. We’ve all had life smack us right in the middle of our face. One minute you feel like you have the whole world in your hands as if you’re flying and then the next you feel like an empty pit, where all you want to do is lay in bed and feel nothing at all. We all have a moment, a moment that can take us back. We all have a favorite memory that makes us cherish life. I never knew what my moment was until I met him. That moment, where we would drive with no destination in mind, wind blowing through my hair, radio up, our fingers intertwined. The look we would share, the look that would make my heart pound inside my chest. I knew I felt safe with him, safe in his warm arms on the couch. It wasn’t until he left that I felt more vulnerable than ever. I felt so alone in a big world. You promised me babe, promised whatever life threw at us that you would never walk away or leave my side. So why’d you do it?
I ask myself, where did it all go wrong? When or did that spark we had really die? Growing up as a child, my parents never told me what love really was. They wanted me to go out and find it on my own. I remember watching endless romance films, or reading hundreds of love stories. I was afraid of finding love like that. They always end the movies with someone walking away. I would think to myself “Why would I want this just so I can lose it?” It became a fear inside of me, of finding someone I love and then losing them. Until that exact thing just happened. I question God, I ask him “Why bring someone into my life, someone who felt so right for me, only to take it away?” My whole world crumpled as I watched him turn around and walk away. All I could think about was all the promises he had made, that had become suddenly broken. I couldn’t do anything to fix it. I told myself if this was real, if what we had was meant to be, then I will stay right here and wait. I’ll wait for him with arms wide open, ready to take him back in a heartbeat.
I remember my mom sitting on the edge of my bed, as she pushed the hair away from my face, telling my ten year old self, “Before you learn to love others, you have to love yourself.” Three words, eight letters, one meaning. Love is just a word until it becomes real and you feel it. Love is selfless, it’s sacrifice, its putting the other person’s needs above your own. If you really love someone ask yourself these questions “Could you live without them?” “Would you take a bullet for them?” The simple answers to these questions should determine whether or not you should be with the person. If love was sacrifice, if it meant us taking our own paths to work on ourselves for awhile, then I believe we will eventually find our way back to each other. It’s only in the right timing when things work out. You can’t force someone to feel what you feel. But if you live with hope and faith, if you wipe those tears from your pretty little face, pick yourself back up, and believe God’s will then I guarantee it’ll be alright.
While you wait just remember, there is so much more to life than finding someone who wants you, or staying sad over someone who doesn’t. There’s so much time worth discovering who you are. Fill yourself up with love, find little things in life to be grateful for, surround yourself with people who love you unconditionally. After all, it’s the little things that matter in life. Become a whole being on your own. Go on adventures, fall asleep under the stars with friends, drive around town at night, give to others, and never let anyone dull your sparkle, or take away that beautiful smile from your face. Don’t romanticize life like you can’t live without it; but rather instead try and stay positive, keep your head up, and stay happy. Life couldn’t be any less beautiful. Once you find your true self, everything else will come to you. If it’s meant to be, then he will come back to you over time. In the meantime you just have to trust God’s plan. Better yourself for others, be that impact on others lives. I promise you… it may be hard right now, but life will only get better. All you can do now is take it and grow from it.